I think I have a reasonable understanding of why so many people enjoy what I have to share. My lifestyle is very unique compared to just about anyone the reader may know. It doesn’t mean that people following my stories necessarily want to live life that way. They just like to read about it.
I think another reason people click on what I send is that I don’t try to sugarcoat things or make them sound politically correct. I have found that people just want to get the story straight. They can make their own decisions about the subject one way or the other. Whatever the reason you decided to click on what I sent you today I appreciate it. Thank you for that.
My newsletter is titled “Finance, Travel and Everyday Life”. Today’s subject is going to fall into the “everyday life” category. If I had to guess I would say that most people are married, have been married or know someone who is married. Does that cover you? I thought it did.
I was married to my first wife for nearly 49 years. Wait! That doesn’t sound right. A better way to make that statement is to say that I have been married to my first wife for nearly 49 years. Sounds better, doesn’t it? I guess words really do matter.
I am a member of Facebook. My wife is not. I will tell you that I do not believe in virtually any conspiracy theory that I have heard about Facebook. Come to think about it I don’t believe in any conspiracy theories other than that the “Denver International Airport stands above an underground city which serves as a headquarters of the New World Order. Theorists cite the airport’s unusually large size, its distance from Denver city center, Masonic and alleged Satanic symbols, as well as a set of murals which include depictions of war and death.”
O.K. I’m kidding. Geez. But…DIA is a long way from downtown Denver. Just sayin’.
By the way, did you know that Wikipedia has a list of official conspiracy theories? They do!
Wikipedia – List of conspiracy theories
I have about 2,500 friends on Facebook. Are these guys and gals my best buddies? I think I have covered this idea in the past that it would probably be difficult for me to get all 2,500 of my Facebook friends to lend me a dollar.
Let me share my plan on this particular topic to see what you think. If I ever win the lottery BIG as in a hundred million or more I’m going to ask each of my friends and acquittances to do me a small favor. If they do it they get part of my lottery money. If they don’t…they don’t. I’m thinking my friends reading this might be more receptive to any favor I might ask from this point!
I enjoy sending messages out on my Facebook page that get people to smile, think and just wonder, “what is that guy up to?” I have discovered that reality looked at from a humorous point of view gets more support in the form of likes from my Facebook page than anything else.
A big part of the reality I experience every day comes from my wife. I have shared many of these stories on Facebook. Remember, my wife isn’t on Facebook.
Nevertheless, it is rare that I don’t show her what I have posted and how popular she is becoming on social media which she abhors. She tells me that she would prefer that I didn’t make these posts but secretly I think she likes the positive attention my description of her behavior creates.
Before I share any of those Facebook posts and pictures here I’ll give you a little bit of background about my relationship with my wife and how things began. We first started dating all the way back in college during our sophomore year. We were resident assistants in training at our school’s dormitory.
So essentially we’ve been married for nearly 49 years and have dated for three years prior to that so that comes to an even number of 52 years. A comedian once said that after being married a similar amount of time he could’ve killed his wife early on and been out of jail by now! Of course, I don’t look at it that way. I guess I’m a lifer.
I guess I would describe my wife as kind of a modern-day June Cleaver. Some of you may have to Google that particular reference. I don’t mind being considered a Ward Cleaver clone.
Like most successful marriages each party has their own areas of expertise. My wife is more of a doer. I am more of a verbal person. How does that manifest itself in real life?
Here’s an example. I am not allowed to do chores at home. You might ask, “what about this and what about that?” I will simply repeat the statement that I am not allowed to do chores at home. That covers everything.
It is a true statement that if you paid me $1 million I couldn’t tell you what day of the week the trash people come to our house. I am not allowed to wash or dry dishes although I did a lot of that as a 10-year-old.
Here’s a most recent example. The license plate stickers came in the mail for my car the other day. Before I even knew they arrived they were affixed to the license plate on my car…by you guessed it…my wife.
How do I feel about not being allowed to do any chores? I have come to accept the situation as my plight in life. Everyone has a cross to bear.
On an occasion or two, I have attempted to try to do something to help out. However my contribution never quite meets the standard that was expected. Whatever I have done is re-done or re-arranged or whatever. Being a practical person I have decided to opt-out of chores like this when someone will come behind me and do it the way they wanted it done in the first place. Like I say I’ve come to accept my situation in life.
You should know this before you come to the conclusion that I am simply an inconsiderate, uncaring, ungrateful dullard of a husband.
I do not take my wife’s behavior for granted. Multiple times every day I will tell my wife how much I love her and how beautiful she is. She has never had to open a door in her life.
I am constantly calling into the kitchen while lying on the sofa watching TV and munching on peanut butter pretzels and saying, “Is there anything I can help with?”. If she ever said yes I would choke on my pretzel and roll off the sofa onto the floor.
Like any husband should do I provide a safe, financially sound and well-cared-for environment for my wife. I know what she likes and what she dislikes. I try my best to steer clear of the dislike part and shower her with the things she will like.
My wife gets her life enjoyment out of pleasing others. Everybody rolls their own way. Once I figured this out I was golden. Over the last few decades, I have been the only other person living with my wife in the house. I see it as my sole responsibility to make sure she enjoys her life by pleasing others. I am a willing volunteer to see that she gets maximum life enjoyment. I know what you’re thinking. Well done Randy….or not!
What does this look like in real life? Each morning when I roll out of bed after reading the news on my phone I walk next-door to my office. By the time I wake up my wife has been up for a couple of hours doing chores. Her first question after greeting me in the morning will be what do I want for breakfast?
How do I answer a question like that? I could say that I’ll make my own breakfast. I could say that I’ll step out and grab a bite to eat. However, that would be most rude of me wouldn’t it? My wife wants to please others. She wants to please me. The first thing she thinks about is what she can give me for breakfast.
So how SHOULD I answer that early morning question? I have found that something like, “two pieces of French toast and a piece of bacon with your normal fruit selections” puts a big smile on her face. I know what some of you might be thinking. I am taking advantage. No, I don’t think so. I’m just a good listener. I’m trying to satisfy the needs and expectations of my wife.
The same ritual happens at lunch. So as not to be considered a person who should be removed from the home by social services I often go out to lunch on my own simply so that my wife doesn’t have to prepare lunch for me. Then when dinner rolls around we have the same conversation. At that point I do my very best to grab her by the hair and drag her into the car. Then I can take her out to dinner somewhere. We eat out several times each week.
Up until the pandemic came along my wife went to her health club six or seven days a week. I can easily say that she is in better shape than 99% of the people writing or reading this message.
I like to say to our friends that I “kick her out the door front door each morning and point her in the direction of the health club so that she doesn’t balloon up”. However, upon further reflection, that description didn’t seem to be the most accurate and loving way to put things.
Now I just tell folks that she truly is in better shape than 99.9% of other people I know and then pat her on the butt. Upon further review that behavior didn’t seem to be as politically correct as it could’ve been either. It should be pointed out that I am normally fast asleep when she heads off to the gym. When she returns I simply smile and say, “How was your workout? You look great!”
I must tell you that the general reaction from our friends when they observe my wife and my interactions is, “Poor Carol”. Somehow I think that comment is as much about me as it is Carol! If I had a five-dollar bill for every time I’ve heard that I would have a lot of five-dollar bills.
It is with this as background that I share a few Facebook photos and captions where I continue to honor the best, most caring and smoking hot wife that I have ever personally been married to.
I feel a little sheepish posting this photo… but not that sheepish. Tonight I caught Carol making a batch of French toast for my breakfast over the next couple of days. It took all of the courage I could muster to ask her for a homemade ice cream treat while I lay on the sofa the rest of the night watching TV. She’s something ain’t she?
Groundhog Day… but a good Groundhog Day. Thank goodness for Carol. I know I should probably take a lot of credit for giving her something to do!

It seemed like it took Carol forever to get the car unpacked when we arrived at our Arizona hotel for this weekend’s trip. Nevertheless, I didn’t say anything. I knew she was doing the best she could….O.K. kidding…geez!
Nothing screams “road trip” any louder than a visit to In-N-Out Burger. Carol is easily distracted. That’s when I swoop in on her fries.
You can observe part of Carol’s Tesla electric car charging training program.
I don’t know about you but I can’t keep up. It’s nearly 2 PM and Carol just delivered lunch to my office when I haven’t finished breakfast yet. Although I am retired I’ve been in my office without leaving all morning. I just wish she would get that water softener fixed! I don’t want that problem to put her behind on her other chores.
Received this message from my wife after I texted her my breakfast order this morning. (she’s upstairs, I’m downstairs) “GM, ugh—water conditioning issues which you can probably hear. Called Gerry (plumber)—did what I could. He’ll be out in the next day or so. Food coming sooner or later.”
I hope she gets that water softener thing fixed (I like soft water). I’m not even sure where the water softener is located. I do know the thing takes 40-pound bags of salt. I’ve never put any salt in it myself. From what I hear Carol, at 110 pounds, can lift those bags to a height of five feet. Keeps her in shape. Hope, I don’t have to wait much longer for breakfast to be delivered to my office.
Looking for that unique dinner date during Covid with that special someone? This is what Carol and I did tonight. We used the McDonald’s drive-through lane to get our food and then stopped in a remote spot in their parking lot and watched YouTube videos on my Tesla video screen of a guy making a lemon custard pie. Talk about a romantic way to spend an evening!
OK, what is Carol up to now? Tonight we had dinner at McDonald’s. Carol brought her own salad in a bowl. Then on the way home, I had to drag race a guy who thought he might be able to out run a Tesla. Bad move on his part. Kind of a bad move on my part as well. When I hit the go button Carol’s salad slid from in front of the passenger seat all the way under the passenger seat and all the way through the backseat. It took her a while to find it! She’s pretty lucky. I provide her with an exciting lifestyle. Carol is not on Facebook. Why don’t we just keep these photos to ourselves?
While Carol was out I pulled this beauty. When she got home I took my whippin’ like a man and moved on down the line. Hint: I thought it was better to text her with the bad news….so the steam could dissipate.
Looking for some feedback. Specifically, how did Carol do? Each morning I sleep in a little bit/a lot later than she does. After I read the “paper“ via my phone I will commonly text her from bed with my breakfast request. Then she scurries about the kitchen and delivers breakfast to my office. I think she’s a pretty good girl. Sometimes good girls are hard to find. So how did Carol do this morning?
When Carol is out I get the chance to make my own dessert. Today’s concoction, blueberry jelly, Jif chunky peanut butter, marshmallow fluff and Nutella chocolate. Real good.
OK, what do I do now? The cardboard is technically paper, right? Where is Carol when I really need her?
OK, I don’t want you to get the impression that I am spoiled. Carol was delivering on lunch, again in my office. That sounds to me like I work a lot and I’ve been retired for 19 years! As a parting comment, she just wanted to make sure that four packets of salsa were going to be enough for my quesadilla. I shooed her away. The laundry wasn’t going to do itself. I might take a nap after lunch. Tonight IS taco Tuesday.
What should I do when my wife delivers breakfast to me every morning at my office desk and includes a serving of hashbrowns when I didn’t order it? Is “not mention it“ a good choice? I think so.
I rent 75 cars a year. Each one comes with a handy “trash center“ located right behind the front passenger seat. The trash you see here accumulated between gasoline fill-ups. It can get really bad if I forget to empty the trash after stopping for gas. I’ve seen the trash center overflow Into the backseat before. It took me years before I could convince Carol that this was an acceptable form of travel. Now she seems to see the convenience of the idea.
Folks, I can’t even make this stuff up. I actually talked to this woman. She told me her bird has “anxiety” when left alone. People are just too weird for my tastes. Thankfully, Carol would never do such a thing.
What’s my first reaction when I see Carol each morning?
I spare no expense taking Carol to the very best places.
Today I went powerwalking at the beach. When I returned I was cleaning the sand off of my shoes over this balcony when my AirPod fell through the grate. How was I going to get it? Carol! You need to know that I thank my lucky stars before I go to bed every night in knowing that I never fed her too much over all the years.
Carol will even go out on the road with meet some 80 nights a year to those dusty old dirt tracks!
Happy to report that wife Carol is accompanying me on this weekend’s Labor Day extravaganza trackchasing trip. I haven’t had the heart to tell the little critter that we will be driving 2,000 miles in six days. Any recommendations on how I break the news to her?
Now can we all collectively say, “Poor, Carol”!